The World Is Just Incredibly Insensitive.
Recently, I went to a movie with friends. Before entering the theatre, my daughter and I waited outside until the trailers were over. Not because she dislikes movies—but because she is sensitive to loud, violent, age-inappropriate sounds.
Ironically, even children’s movies are preceded by trailers meant for adults. Loud. Violent. Overstimulating. Entirely unnecessary for young children.
My daughter’s friend is similar—also sensitive. At some point, their father asked me a question that stayed with me:
“If they are so sensitive, how will they face the real world?”
That question is what prompted this reflection.
There Is No “Later” Real World
One of the biggest assumptions adults make is that the real world is something children will encounter later—after childhood, after school, after home.
But children are already living in the real world.
They experience noise, overwhelm, fear, separation, social pressure, expectations, and emotional discomfort every single day. Calling adulthood “the real world” creates a false divide—as though what children experience now doesn’t fully count.
And more importantly, it allows adults to justify emotional insensitivity in the name of “preparing” children for something harsher that is supposedly coming.
When the World Is Insensitive, Why Must the Child Become Insensitive Too?
This is where I fundamentally disagree.
If the world is loud, dismissive, overwhelming, and violent—does that mean children must be hardened to survive it?
Or does it mean that sensitivity needs to be protected, normalised, and respected, so children grow up knowing that their inner signals matter?
Many parents believe that children need to be “toughened up.”
But let’s be honest about what that usually means.
It often means:
- disconnecting from bodily discomfort
- overriding emotions
- suppressing fear, overwhelm, or distress
- learning that expression is inconvenient
That kind of “strength” is actually disconnection.
And disconnection—from the body, from emotions, from intuition—is at the root of many emotional and even physiological issues we see in adults today.
The Problem Is Not the Sensitive Child
It’s important to name something uncomfortable here.
Children’s sensitivity is often not the real problem.
Adult discomfort with children’s reactions is.
Culturally, many of us were raised to prioritise other people’s comfort over our own needs. Don’t bother others. Don’t be inconvenient. Don’t stand out.
So when a child wants to:
- wait outside the cinema until it feels safe
- leave a loud place
- express distress
parents often feel they are causing inconvenience to others.
And that discomfort—combined with fear of judgment—gets projected onto the child.
On top of this sits another heavy layer: the idea of “normal.”
When a child behaves differently, many parents unconsciously feel they have failed.
Not always consciously—but deeply.
As though the child’s sensitivity reflects some inadequacy in them.
Forced Exposure Is Not Resilience
Sometimes this shows up as forced exposure.
A child is sensitive to loud sounds, so they are repeatedly exposed to loud sounds—with the hope that they’ll “get used to it.”
But there’s a crucial difference between consent-based exposure and forced exposure disguised as resilience-building.
With my daughter, I offer choice and agency.
She chooses to sit through loud ads now—even though they’re uncomfortable.
But she still chooses to step out during violent, age-inappropriate trailers.
That choice matters.
When exposure happens without emotional safety or agency, the message a child receives is:
“Your needs don’t matter. Your body doesn’t matter. You don’t get a say.“
Over time, this creates helplessness—not resilience.
What Children Give Up to Be “Normal”
A “normal” child, in many adults’ eyes, is a child who:
- sits quietly no matter what
- doesn’t react strongly
- doesn’t trigger adult discomfort
But the cost of this is enormous.
Children slowly give up:
- trusting their instincts
- listening to their bodies
- believing their voice matters
They internalise a quiet defeat:
“No matter what I feel, it doesn’t change anything.“
This is not strength.
This is survival.
Sensitivity Is Not Fragility
Sensitivity is awareness.
Sensitivity is attunement.
Sensitivity is information.
When protected and respected, sensitive children often grow into adults who are:
- deeply self-aware
- emotionally regulated
- empathetic
- respectful of others’ boundaries
Early accommodation does not create dependence.
It builds internal regulation.
And internal regulation is what eventually reduces the need for external accommodation.
The Intergenerational Piece We Must Name
If celebrating your child’s sensitivity feels hard—this matters.
It may be because your own sensitivity was not respected when you were young.
And that deserves to be named, gently and clearly.
So let me say this directly:
I am sorry.
On behalf of the adults in your childhood who couldn’t meet you there, I’m sorry.
And here is the opportunity:
By protecting your child’s sensitivity, you are not spoiling them.
You are healing something far older than this moment.
Courage Is Required
Parenting a sensitive child with respect takes courage.
Courage to:
- go against the crowd
- tolerate judgment
- trust your intuition
- stand beside your child, even when it’s inconvenient
Many parents already feel this truth in their bodies.
This is simply permission to act on it.
Your child does not need to be hardened for the world.
They need to know that they are accepted and welcome, exactly as they are.
And that may be the greatest preparation of all.
